Welcome to the first annual Big Balls Awards or Ballsies. Since it is that time of year, we here at Parting Blow have decided to give out our own awards to the season 1 models. Here is how it works.
All models will be split int category by position. Captains will be in there own category, not their position category. Each category will then be awarded the following awards:
BALLER AWARD- The player with the best overall ball skills
BALL BUSTER AWARD- The player that is the biggest beater
SLICK BALLS AWARD- The player that is hardest to take out
CHEESY BALLS AWARD- The player that gives you the stink face, the most tilting
BALL HOG AWARD- The player that want to use the most resources on a regular basis
BALL COZY AWARD- The team player who gives more than they take on a regular basis
DEFLATED BALL AWARD- The player that just doesn’t quite make the cut yet
These guys are the backbone of your team that can do a good deal of the heavy lifting and break your back if you try to lift them. The candidates are Avarisse, Brick, Casket, Fangtooth, Ghast, Kraken, And Stave
BALLER AWARD- None of these guys are particularly great the ball. Due to being the only one with 2/6″ instead of 1/6″ Kick, the award goes to Casket
BALL BUSTER AWARD- All of these guys are bruisers. The ability to self buff gives this one to Fangtooth
SLICK BALLS AWARD- There are lots of arguments to be made here. Most boxes, Gluttonous Mass and Foul Odour once again gives the edge to Fangtooth
CHEESY BALLS AWARD- There is nothing more irritating than realizing everyone on your team is 1 INF short of doing what needs to be done. Ghast
BALL HOG AWARD- This guy requires at least 2 INF every turn. Stave
BALL COZY AWARD- By good positioning alone this guy protects your team. Brick
DEFLATED BALL AWARD- While his star is rising, it is mostly due to his other half. Avarisse
These are the guys that help protect your balls. Candidates include Hemlocke, Jac, Mallet, Ratchet, Spigot, Stoker, and Tower.
BALLER AWARD- This one has mad ball skills whether kicking or retrieving it. Spigot
BALL BUSTER AWARD- No one likes to take a charge from Mallet
SLICK BALLS AWARD- Tough call, but with the Knockback allowing a 2″ push on one hit with counter attack, the edge goes to Tower
CHEESY BALLS AWARD- Blind is all that needs to be said. Hemlocke
BALL HOG AWARD- Because it is very easy to put 3 on her every turn. Hemlocke
BALL COZY AWARD- For zero INF, he can still help the whole team quite a bit. Spigot
DEFLATED BALL AWARD- Here is hoping Ester changes your luck. Stoker
A small group with the exclusion of Captains, Calculus, Colossus, Gutter, Mercury, and Silence.
BALLER AWARD- Although Silence can have a better kick rating, overall Colossus does more with the ball
BALL BUSTER AWARD- This is the only person in this group that does not have 3 gamage in her playbook, yet she manages to get work done. Gutter
SLICK BALLS AWARD- Highest DEF and generally in the rear. Silence
CHEESY BALLS AWARD- Another tough call, but Blind wins. Calculus
BALL HOG AWARD- Although there is a lot of desire to load all these up, Mercury really does nothing for less than 2 INF.
BALL COZY AWARD- Again, they all like INF, but only one brings 3 to the table. Silence
DEFLATED BALL AWARD- He doesn’t fail to underwhelm. Mercury
These guys take the fight to you. Boar, Hooper, Katalyst, Meathook, and Rage.
BALLER AWARD- What ball? Meathook wins by Kick stat alone.
BALL BUSTER AWARD- Even if someone else deserved it, I wouldn’t say so in front of him. Boar
SLICK BALLS AWARD- Seriously, you try to take him out. Hooper
CHEESY BALLS AWARD- Tough call. It could go to Meathook, but you just don’t see her as much. Hooper is just that irritating.
BALL HOG AWARD- Another toss up between her and Hooper. Since Meathook generates less, she wins this one.
BALL COZY AWARD- Rage. He’s efficient.
DEFLATED BALL AWARD- Even with what we see in Season 2 so far, he still doesn’t do enough to make him worth while. Katalyst.
This may be the biggest group. Boiler, Cosset, Decimate, Graves, Greyscales, Harmony, Minx, Salvo, Shank, Siren, Snakeskin.
BALLER AWARD- Toss up between Shank and Greyscales. Momentous Tackle and slightly longer threat range gives it to Shank
BALL BUSTER AWARD- Boiler just beats out Cosset due to other team buffs available.
SLICK BALLS AWARD- Potential DEF 6 and Clone. Snakeskin
CHEESY BALLS AWARD- Two activations in a row. It may be a trap, but it can also ruin your day. Harmony
BALL HOG AWARD- Decimate was a close second. Salvo.
BALL COZY AWARD- There is not a clear winner here, but Cosset has the most game on no INF.
DEFLATED BALL AWARD- Only because she is seen the least. Minx
The stars of the team, even if they are not named Flint. Angel, Brisket, Flint, Friday, Greede, Mist, Velocity, Vitriol
BALLER AWARD- If you have to ask, shame on you. Flint
BALL BUSTER AWARD- She has anger issues. Vitriol
SLICK BALLS AWARD- As much as you would like to touch her, you can’t. Brisket
CHEESY BALLS AWARD- Rage much? Flint will make you.
BALL HOG AWARD- All of these guys want to be fully loaded. Mist almost requires it post nerf.
BALL COZY AWARD- A good beer is all she needs. Friday
DEFLATED BALL AWARD- Since Greede generally plays Goalie more than Striker
Everyone’s lovable little buddies. Coin, Dirge, Flask, Mainspring, Marbles, Princess, Salt, Scum.
BALLER AWARD- Super Shot gives him a chance. Mainspring
BALL BUSTER AWARD- Allowed to have 1 more INF puts Scum over Princess
SLICK BALLS AWARD- 2 ARM is for real. Flask
CHEESY BALLS AWARD- Get that damn thing away from me! Dirge
BALL HOG AWARD- Because he actually has useful Character Plays. Marbles
BALL COZY AWARD- He just keeps on giving. Coin
DEFLATED BALL AWARD- He’s cute at least. Salt
Our final category for our biggest stars. Ballista, Blackheart, Honour, Midas, Obulus, Ox, Shark, and Tapper.
BALLER AWARD- No doubt. Shark
BALL BUSTER AWARD- While others may contest this, Tapper puts out the most damage on a regular basis.
SLICK BALLS AWARD- With Clone and Unpredictable Movement, no one can really hit Midas.
CHEESY BALLS AWARD- Obulus. Any other argument is invalid.
BALL HOG AWARD- Obulus. Do Morticians even have other players?
BALL COZY AWARD- Ox. He doesn’t put the hurt on as much as others on his team do. He likes to sit back and watch them work.
DEFLATED BALL AWARD- When they win something, we will accept arguments otherwise. Ballista